when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
