I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
