You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
