i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
