remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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