Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
