imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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