I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
