I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
