We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
