he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so let's talk penis.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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