please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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