I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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