one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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