You're completely useless in the revolution.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
