I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
