haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
