i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize