White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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