This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Less talking, more tequila
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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