She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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