Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress