New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?