So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby