Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub