whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
