Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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