I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I touched a dick in church today
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
