But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
