I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
its liver damage thursday
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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