My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
