he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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