When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
