Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
