you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
