I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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