I am spending my child support on dildos
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will be naked everywhere
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
