Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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