moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
