She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
