You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
