Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
