In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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