alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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