we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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