the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
