i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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