Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
