I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
