dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
