I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
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Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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