Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
