you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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