out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
