marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
