I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
