They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
