Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I only lived at night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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