Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
