using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
