i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize