butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's blow job season.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
