I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
